Gettysburg Times

June 20, 1987

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Issue date: Saturday, June 20, 1987

Pages available: 24

Previous edition: Friday, June 19, 1987

Next edition: Monday, June 22, 1987

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Gettysburg Times (Newspaper) - June 20, 1987, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania THE TIMES, SATURDAY-SUNDAY, JUNE 5A Commentary: Don't ban the "Dad" jokes; preserve and revere them ,A young joke teller, freshly certifi- ycated by a comedy workshop, recently 'jnade his debut on network television, boldly suggesting that all "Dad" jokes 09 banned. "Dad" jokes, he pointed out, are ,synonymous with "bad" jokes, or jokes. .As we approach Father's Day, I would like to propose that "Dad" jokes 4ipt be banned. They should be re- ,yered, preserved. Sure, "Dad" jokes make kids, and ..wives, wince. You know the scenario. A Dad is Jdriving his kids, and their friends. ;And, when they pass a cemetery, the -Dad says. "How many dead people are ,in there No answer, but the offspring cringe, .and moan, and then mime the re- sponse: "All of them." A polite chuckle from the guests only ;spurs the Dad on. "Why do they have a fence around the cemetery "Oh, someone, not a visitor, moans. But, Dad presses on: "Because peo- ple are dying to get in there." A few giggles is all the Dad needs to think he's on a roll. "What did one gravestone say to another "Don't take me for granite." Landmarks often set off "Dad" jokes. A drive past the Round Barn may prompt the question from a Dad, "Ever know why the dog went crazy in that barn "He couldn't find a corner to sleep in." The "Dad" joke is one reliable aspect of fatherhood. It's what chil- dren, and Moms, can count on from a It's as sure as three meals a day at home. Geoffrey W. Taylor of Carroll Valley As the Times sees it Day a success Sditor, The Gettysburg Times: can be proud of their Memorial Day dedication to its veter- ans. Veterans of all services, veterans .alive, disabled, deceased, active duty. Preserves and least of all, men and women missing in action. The missing action, is a tough pill to swallow. I many people who hold this troublesome subject dear to their hearts. It is probably the unknown that -js hard to accept. As long as we keep .the faith, that one day, somehow, some ,will surface to be reunited with their loved ones. .Our 1987 parade once again, was a total success due to participation from ".area residents. The "March With was a great success, thanks to of our veterans. Everything, in- the weather, worked out just fine, as per scheduled. Our parade gets .tetter and -bigger with each passing year. 'At this time and place, I think, it Jwbuldbe appropriate to bring tp.light a which has.troubledme for years 'and'I take it personal, I'm talking ab- paying tribute to our American 'Flag. As I march down Baltimore Street, too many citizens are unaware that they are doing a dis-servrce to our national standard. Too many times, at different gatherings, whether it is at a ball game, auto race, parades, etc. people do not know how to honor the American Flag. Maybe I can clarify a few things, one; if you are in uniform, that is, police, fireman, Guard, Armed Forces, always salute. Two; it is very popular to wear a ball cap with civilian clothes, when the flag passes by, take it off and place it over your heart as a salute. Three; if you are sitting, give your country's colors the courtesy of standing up, if you are able to do so, and placing your hand over your heart. Too many lives have been lost through out the years to keep our flag flying free. I happen to be very proud of our flag. The national emblem is a symbol of our great country, our herit- age and our place in the world. We owe reverence and respect to our flag. Least we forget, those who have given their lives for it. Dan Davies USMCR Retired They did a good deed The Gettysburg Times: I am writing this to you to bring to your attention a good deed that was done by two young men this evening. "Fd first like to point out that I am a teacher and have been for the past five years. I have been particularly dis- appointed in the attitudes and be- haviors that I have witnessed over the years. Teenagers have been more dis- respectful and adamant towards .adults. This has caused me to feel dis- appointed and somewhat cautious to- wards many of the youth in the area. My eyes were opened wide tonight when my tire burst and lay flat as a pancake in front of Weis Supermarket here in Hanover. It was still quite light out and I was smack in front of the store for all to see. I was frustrated and helpless as my three phone calls for some assistance resulted in no help. It was then that my unknown bag carrier ran in and got the assistance of Mike Thayer and Francis Klunk. They spend 20-25 minutes fighting a stub- born tire and a frantic customer. They were both sympathetic and helpful. I was able to leave with great respect for these young men, and a new tire. They have helped redeam my faith in today's youth. I hope that you will print my letter so that they will know how much I appreciated their gallant deed. It may also help others to give our teens more credit. Thank you Mike and Francis and my unknown bag car- rier with the good sense of humor. Mrs. Caren Riddle Hanover Halloween Party sale Editor, The Gettysburg Times: On June 26 and 27 from a.m. to 3.00 p.m.. the Penn Township Hallo- ween Party Committee will hold a yard sale at the Penn Township Muni- cipal Center grounds at 20 Wayne Ave- nue. In the event of rain it will be in- A hot dog and refreshments stand will also be there. Items to be donated may be brought to the muni- cipal center from to p.m. June 22 to the 25. From now until the sale, items will be picked up by calling 632-3315, 637-7515. 632-7125 or 637-8862. All proceeds will benefit the annual halloween parties. Raymond H. Bankert Member Penn Township Halloween Party Committee Likes Third Ward plan Editor. The Gettysburg Times: I am a resident and a property owner iti the Third Ward. I have been follow- ing the discussion about Pennsylvania Farmworkers Opportunities, Inc.'s interest in the rehabilitation oT properties on Breckenridge, South Washington and Middle Streets. I would like to express my support for the plan. 1 feel that this is the only way that these properties will be up- graded from their present state. As a .professional contractor, I researched the possibility of buying a Brecken- ridge Street property, remodeling and then selling for profit. The figures did add up because the property values in the area are so depressed. If PAFO buys and rehabilitates these prop- erties, the property values will rise in the neighborhood. That would encour- age other independent investments in the area. Also, the jobs created for loc- al contractors would be a boost for Get- tysburg. Another aspect of this plan that 1 like is the use of a manager to oversee the properties to make sure that tenants respect these and other properties in the area. This should prevent any de- terioration in value. 1 think that the borough should help PAFO in every way that it can. Thomas C. Gibbon Gettysburg Thanks for safe crosswalks dear Editor, 1 would like to publicly thank the Boro Council, the Boro Manager, and the Safety Committee for their effort 'to make safer ihe crosswalks at the i square. They agreed to stripe each of "the four crosswalks. 1 would, also, like to thank the Get- tysburg-Adams County Chamber of Commerce and its Board of Directors for again taking on another safety problem as they did with US 15.1 am sure it was their letter urging the painting of stripes that added the necessary push to this idea. Joel C. Nimon Gettysburg Editor's notebook Jim Kalbaugh is a Dad, an extraordinary one. Multi- ple sclerosis has paralyzed him, shrouded his sight and silenced his vocal chords, but his humor, like his mind and heart is strong. It's humor that keeps him going. Getting a laugh is one link with his family and friends. In barely audible, but labored, spurts of breath, he whis- pers jokes to his wife, and children. He's a man who couldn't remember a joke, much less tell one, a few years ago. In the early stages of his illness, he found himself sprawled on the bath- room floor, unable to move while his family was away for a few hours. He was swept by a flood of tears from an- ger and frustration at not being able to get up. Then, suddenly, he started to re- member jokes. When his family finally came home, they heard him, howling with laughter at his own jokes, those bad. "Dad" jokes, like: Knock, knock'' there "Old lady." "Old lady who "I didn't know you could yodel." Geoff Taylor can't yodel, but he can write. He has just finished a book of humor for those who are ill, especially the terminally ill. A veteran of eight hospitalizations, Mr. Taylor has observed that "hospit- als are loaded with staff and patients who long for humor." His, yet unpublished book, he hopes, will help somebody else get through through an ordeal of trying to cope with illness that can floor them. There is a special draw and durabil- ity to the "Dad" joke. They not only last for a whole generation, but they are passed on to those offspring who become Dads, and they pass them onto to a succeeding generation. Somehow they always work, in their own way. Here's one: There was a man who saw a boy with a banana in his ear. He asked the boy, "Why do you have a banana in your ear The boy, replied "What "I asked the man said, "Why you have a banana in your ear "What the boy asked, a second time. The man repeated the question. the boy said, "I can't hear you cuz I have a banana in my ear." Talk about bananas One man asked, "Did you hear about the guy who went to Europe on a bana- na boat -----No, why did he go to Europe on a banana boat "Because it appealed to him." Well. "Dad" jokes never lose their appeal, especially to Dads; 'and suc- ceeding Dads, and Dads who succeed them. It's one of the great traditions of fatherhood worth preserving. Jim Kalbaugh is of The Times and is known for more than his share of "Bad" "Dad" jokes. Surrogate fathers to the rescue "For everything you have missed, you ha ve gained some- thing else Ralph Waldo Emerson "Compensation" There's a lot of talk these days about surrogate mothers. But nobody says much about surrogate fathers. Every year at this time my husband asks what I'm going to write for father's day, and every year I make excuses for why I'm covering some other subject. The truth is I've had lit- tle experience with fathers. My mother divorced by natural father when I was just a baby and my new stepfather was chronically disin- terested where I was concerned. Church suppers came and went, con- firmations, high school plays, proms, graduations, all without the longed-for presence of a papa. Come Father's Day I shopped for cards with pictures of mythical homesteads and verses that said no- thing. The "I could always talk to you, Dad" and "Thanks for being there" greetings knotted my stomach. The TV commercials where daddy hugs his little girl reduced me to tears. In my teenage trances the father of my dreams would come to rescue me. Every thorn on my path would become a rose, I determined, when this gray- haired patriarch appeared. But the man I imagined as stand-ins for the guess who's missing in this picture vacancy weren't always what they seemed. (Robert Frost, whose poetry I devoured as a high schooler, was often cold and withdrawn from his family, I learned.) What I didn't appreciate was the contribution to my life that would be made by surrogate fathers. Despite his youth the first of my surrogates was my little brother. As grew, he developed a compassion that surpassed his years and all through my adolescence he listened to my woes. On my wedding day he walked me down the aisle as the "father" of the bride and gave me away to the smiling young man who has since become the father of my own children. Until that day I'd never felt so loved. Then there was Gordon. During the student-teaching stint of my senior year in college. Mary was my master teacher. Gordon was her husband. When I had no money for room and board, Mary and Gordon said. "Come Eileen Graham live with us." They gave me a roof over my head and an arm around my shoul- der. Gordon was a shy, giant of a man who loved laughter and good stories. When he laughed his blue eyes blinked and bubbled like old-fashioned Christ- mas tree lights. Around them were wrinkled pouches, smiles from Santa's sack. Over a sip of port in the evening, he told jokes about the comings and goings at the city sewage plant where he worked as a biologist. We laughed so hard, his glasses would fog and he'd take them off to wipe his eyes. Gordon never had any children of his own to love. Aside from Mary, his one real passion was sea shells; this tall, awk- ward man had a doctorate in con- chology. On Father's Day that year I sent Gordon a "Thanks for being there'' card and he wiped his eyes. In a few weeks I brought my fiancee home to meet him and he wiped his eyes. Years later we took our children to visit, and Gordon wiped his eyes. Every Father's Day I sent him a card. And every Easter, Thanksgiv- ing, Christmas, birthday, anniversary and Valentine's Day, when we got cards signed "Father" Gordon. I wiped my eyes. I married into my third surrogate. My new brother-in-law, Eddie, was to become stand-in father as well as brother and friend. I watched his quiet tenderness with his own daughters and took lessons on how a father-child rela- tionship could be. At every landmark occasion christenings, holidays, graduations Eddie was there, doing what a father would. Because few of us are dropped by the accident of birth into the perfect fami- ly there will always be a need for Father's Day cards that say nothing. Modern science has given us genetic engineering, test tube babies and biological surrogate mothers. But un- til it clones Bill Cosby into Everyman, perhaps we ought to look beyond biolo- gy for what it takes to be a parent and say "Happy Father's Day" to the men who by choice are surrogate fathers. Ic) 1987 by Eileen Graham Looking at language: 'Alphabet soup' AA. AAA. ABC, abd. ABM. ABS. AM, a.m. And that's just a start. The two of us feel like prisoners in a sim- mering pot of alphabet soup. The prob- lem isn't the existence of abbre- viations; they're necessary. Our diffi- culty is the overwhelming number of otherwise meaningless letter com- binations tossed daily by the media into an already overcrowded bowl. Glubb! Each of us is expected to know the meaning and significance of dozens of stringsof letters. not talking ab- out chemical elements, like 0 for ox- ygen or Au for gold, the ones we learn in school. Nor do job-related abbrevia- tions bother us in their own context. We're plumb exhausted from the com- binations we have to deal with if all we want to do is slay informed. Perhaps the alphabet-soup image isn't good enough; maybe the staccato of machine-gun fire comes closer to de- scribing why we feel like targets when we take in the day's news. Look at just a few of these short- forms. AA stands for Alcoholics Anonymous. AAA looks nearly identic- al but refers to the American Auto- mobile Association. ABC. like CBS and NBC, is a radio and television network. Abd is short for "all but which itself is a reference to a teacher who has completed all the require- ments for a doctorate except the most grueling one. An ABM is an anti-ballistic missile, Truman and Beverley Eddy while ABS is a common plastic, but how are we to know? These hailstones of letters are tough enough on our fra- gile minds ordinarily, but how can we cope when one set has multiple mean- ings? Take the "a-nT combination, for example. Capitalized and without punctuation, it means "Amplitude as in AM radio; written with periods, it tells us still morn- ing in our part of the world. Then com- es the AMA. the American Medical Association, followed by AOK, Al. and A B.A. is an academic degree, the Bachelor of Arts. Remember BB? Bri- gilte Bardol. BC refers to the era in history before the time of Christ. We're not sure what BD means, but BVDs are a brand of men's under- wear. CB stands for "Citizens Band which is no1 related to CBS radio. The title of chief executive offic- er of a corporation is abbreviated CEO. COBOL is at least pronounce- able as a word; actually it's an acronym for COmmon Business Oriented Language and is the most fre- quently used computer language for list keeping. Ever heard of a D.A.? No. not that one; that's the hind end of a duck and describes the way you wore your hair in 1957. We mean the District Attorney. H can also stand for "Doctor of Arts." another academic degree. The DER Department of Environmental Re- sources) allots EDUs. or Equivalent Domestic Units